Snowflakes

Having a hard time today.  Getting out of bed was hard this morning.  Sickest feeling I've ever had in my stomach.  I don't like going to sleep, waking up, or driving.  It gives me time to think.  I need to find something else to think about.  I can stay distracted and have been very busy with doc apts, scheduling, kids, and I would like time to just read and research. My house is a mess!!  My emotions are very raw.  If Deacon starts throwing a fit or Dakota is rude to me I just want to cry.  I don't know what I'm crying about. I'm not scared of dying or even worried.  I guess I'm a little angry.  Like why do I have to spend the rest of my year fighting this thing?  I just feel emotional and want to be held and just cry.  It's good to recognize my blessings:

• Girls folded laundry and put them in everyone's room while I took Taylor to school.
• It snowed today!  
• Snowball fight with Camryn at the library.  It reminded me of my wedding day and my snowball fight with Bryce.  Wet ground, snowing, just a bit of snow on the grass to pick up and throw. Brought back good memories.
• Watching the snow fall from the sky inside the library.  Camryn noticed, and the three of us stopped to enjoy it.  How magnificent this moment was, and our time looking up at snowflakes was the highlight of my day.  How easy it can be to miss or rush through moments like these. News of cancer helps me recognize what is important in life, and realize that everything else is just a distraction.  
• I was able to see dermatologist an hour after I called because of a cancellation.  No skin cancer on my face despite a couple of spots I was concerned about. Wahoo!
• Taylor coming home.  Such a relief and warmth to see him and his smile.