Hope

Treatment 4 of 12 today, but who's counting?!  :)  Bryce drove up to Spokane with the kids, so Kaylee joined me today and brought me lunch. Thanks sis!

I shared my side effects with the oncologist and he reduced my dose by 10% to limit permanent side effects of the taxol. I asked if that increased my chances of recurrence later and he said that the stats provide the big picture and that dosage reductions are part of that big picture, so the percentages don't change.  My take on what he said - in the big picture stats may not change but individually they prob do. Oh well....

I saw a beautiful moment of hope today as I started my chemo treatment. A young woman who I have seen for the last few weeks was finishing her last chemo treatment. What I discovered today is that she is a mother of five and probably only a few years older then me judging by the age of her kids. Her husband and five kids were there to celebrate with her as she rang the bell on her final day of treatment. My heart filled with emotion and I felt my eyes tear up. After she left, I reflected on my emotions, surprised by reaction and the variety of feelings I was experiencing. 

• I was happy that she had such a supportive family too and that she wasn't in this battle alone. I ached for her and her family and wondered how they were holding up in this cancer battle. (My own trials don't seem so bad because I know how I'm doing, but with others you wonder how they are truly holding up).  

• I was a little saddened that I had missed out on an opportunity to make a friend with a woman who's situation was similar to mine - young breast cancer patient, young mother, same cancer, same drug treatment plan.  In my effort to sit away from other patients to provide them with some privacy and as little disturbance as possible, I felt today that I had missed a blessing in my life. This woman had thank you notes for the nurses and from the few words she spoke it was obvious she was a tender-hearted and loving woman.  

• Another feeling I recognized was hope. There was light at the end of the tunnel and I became excited that in 8 weeks my day would come to have my entire family in that room ringing the bell with me.