Taking off against the wind

Mornings don't go as planned. :)

We received truancy letters from the school for the kids for tardies and absences. We are required to attend a class, pay money for the class, and go to court if we don't go to the class.  I called the office and told them I have cancer and everything is magically waived.  Wahoo for cancer.  :)  (Haven't pulled the cancer card yet, but today I did and had no problem with it.)

My surgeon's office called.  Apparently my surgeon wants to do an MRI biopsy on the left breast even though nothing showed up on the ultrasound.  I asked about false positives on MRIs and the radiologist's recommendation, and the nurse (my RS Pres) said Jennifer is thorough and cancer could still be there and not show up on the ultra sound.  Bottom line - She'd rather make sure than not. If I have decided on bi-lateral mysectomy then it doesn't matter.  If not and it is cancer, then we should know before it disappears during chemo so tissue can be removed on the left side during surgery.  I am appreciative of the thoroughness but can't help feeling annoyed.  I wish the doctors could all get in the same room, on the same day, at the same time, and preferably while I'm there :), so I don't have to keep going back to the hospital for more tests.  Most likely it's a false positive.  I guess when the doctors say jump, I jump.  Arg.  UPDATE: It was a false positive.  No biopsy and no detected cancer on the left side!

Camryn and Naomi (her friend who is a great way for me to get things done around the house) decided to decorate the wall with stamps and then accidentally spill milk on the floor. Note: Wall disasters and spilled milk sometimes make moms cry.  Today it did - I held the tears until I was in my room where they couldn't see.  

Received the perfect quote from Kate.  Her timing and choice of words were priceless.  "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."  - Henry Ford.  Lots of wind today.  This quote helped me get off the ground.  Love you, Kate.

Filling out loan apps and reviewing sellers disclosures.   Buying a house in the midst of all of this.  When it rains it pours. Thankful Bryce has been taking care of most of the house stuff.   

Maybe my house will get clean today.  :) 

Adopted

I was very tired this morning.  Deacon woke up crying in the middle of the night for some reason, and I couldn't go to sleep for at least an hour after.  When I did get to sleep, Taylor came in a little later saying he had a bad dream.  I wanted to skip our morning walk because I was exhausted, but realized I will probably be tired every day.  I can sleep and rest later in the day, but something needs to get me out of bed. 

I have an ultrasound on the left side today.  A spot showed up on my MRI, but the radiologist expected it to be a false positive.  He said to forego a biopsy if nothing was found in the ultrasound.  I'm not that worried about it because it doesn't change my treatment plan at all, especially since the right side is much worse than the left could be.  It will just better inform me regarding my surgical decisions, which I'm waiting on for my genetic testing. UPDATE: Found nothing on the ultrasound.  Wahoo for false positives on the MRI!

I had chemo class and I am amazed at the amazing people I'm meeting on this health journey.  What stories people have and how inspiring they are.  I've learned that if life ever starts to get you down, talk to others.  You'll realize life isn't so bad.  :) 

There was a wonderful family at my chemo class.  They probably had 10+ family members for the other patient (Georgie) ... and then there was me.  Definitely felt like the odd one out on their family reunion.  (Bryce was willing to come but I told him it not to bother because it was a waste of time - I had already called the nurse to discuss what she'd be sharing.)  Despite my feelings of party crashing, this family was amazing and let's just say before the hour was over I had an invite to their real family reunion.  :)  Georgie was super cute, 50ish year old woman, and all her daughters and sisters were there.  She had so many questions and seemed so worried, and I wanted to help her.  I felt impressed to write her over the next few months.  Georgie's sister, Debbie sat next to me and was a great resource.  She seems to think the way I do, and she shared five years ago she had breast cancer.  She gave me her number and said to call any day, anytime, and before I left, Debbie's husband (I told you it was a family reunion) handed me his second copy of handwritten notes for me to take home.  What a wonderful family.  People are good. 

Promises of Health

Started our morning walks with Bryce.  6:30 wakeup and walk around the neighborhood and trail behind the condos.  It was great to get up.  Perfect way to start the day and jump start on the important things.  Our goal is to do it every morning, especially once chemo starts.  Bryce said he'll walk as slow as he has to (which is saying a lot)  :). 

Seminary with the kids this morning was about Daniel refusing the king's meat and the word of wisdom.  It's amazing how our seminary lessons have been the lessons I needed most.  (The last two weeks were courageous stories about about David & Goliath and Esther.)  :)  The Lord knows me!  I have such a testimony that as we try to serve others, the Lord ends up blessing us through that same service.  As I was bearing testimony to the kids about the word of wisdom and promising that following it will help us have healthy bodies, I thought to myself - what about me?  I've followed the word of wisdom and where is my promise of help?  Just as fast, the answer came.  And Taylor without knowing the thoughts in my head shared it just as I was finishing the same thought.  "Mom, your body will be strong to fight your cancer."  How grateful I am for the testimony of my young boy.  And how grateful I am for the promises of the word of wisdom and temple covenants that keep our minds and bodies healthy and receptive to the Spirit. 

Bryce told his boss today about my cancer.  Looks like Tute may sponsor my genome being sequenced.  Wahoo for that guy.

Samuel the Fighter

Grateful for the lesson I learned in scripture study tonight.  We read about Samuel the Lamanite and after we discussed what we read, Bryce asked what I learned.  Something new stuck out to me in the story this time.  Samuel was retreating from the city and the Lord told him to go back.  He did, but they wouldn't let him in the city wall.  Rather than Samuel saying, "I tried Lord.  They won't let me in.  I can't."  He thought of how he could fulfill what the Lord asked him to do.  He climbed the wall.  He didn't give up.  He fought.  I admired Samuel tonight because he was a fighter.  He fought to do what the Lord asked him to do, and he didn't give up when people told him no or that he couldn't.  The word fight has meant a lot to me the last couple of weeks, and I am grateful for the scriptures and examples and stories of prophets that lift and encourage me. 

Finding answers

I was annoyed talking to the genetic counselor this morning. Bryce had a very different impression. He thought she was very tactful, respectful, and diplomatic.  She was, but I felt like I was being pried open. I didn't want to share anything meaningful and just kept it very superficial. I have never met the counselor before, seen her picture, or even talked to her before today.  I felt like I was on a customer service call, but that we were talking about my life and cancer.  I'm not one to be offended easily, and I'm usually very open to sharing, but not to some person on the phone I've never met before.  I wasn't rude, but I got off the phone feel very annoyed and involuntarily exposed.  Thanks insurance for requiring a genetic counseling appointment to run my genetic test.    

Felt good about a lot of things today. Have results back and a lot of finality to some questions. My oncologists said very tactically he wouldn't get pregnant. (Good thing considering he's a dude). :)  Pregnancy would feed the very thing that's feeding my cancer and the idea scares him. (It has scared me too and is what Bryce and I have felt the last couple of weeks.) Coming to terms with it and closing that chapter is difficult. It's helpful to have a medical opinion that supports those feelings, as well as spiritual confirmations.  I liked this second oncologist and think I will go with him.  He's in Provo which is nice and very aware of the current research and seemed to know a lot more (or at least shared a lot more than the Huntsman oncologist) regarding the things Bryce and I are interested in (genetic profiling of my tumor, personalized medicine, etc.)  Still same treatment plan as the SL oncologist, but I felt he was more aware and open to novel findings. 

Feeling normal again

Great day today.  Had tests in the morning and was home by 11:30 so I had the rest of the day to be a "normal" mom.  Today is Wednesday and people wore pink, took pictures and posted with the hashtag #wearpinkforpam.  I felt a little silly with so much attention, but very loved at the same time.  Taylor wanted to count tonight how many families are praying for us, and we counted 100 - just off of my Mom's post announcing breast cancer.  What a strength we are feeling.  We came home from the park and there was dinner on our doorstop, with no idea who it was from.  We feel the love of the Lord and love and faith from family and friends.  

I had my blood taken at Bryce's work so we can have my genome sequenced.  Tomorrow will be the first day this week I'm not having  both arms pricked, let alone one.  Wahoo!  I have a genetic counseling apt. at 6am int he morning via phone because Myriad won't run my genetic test until insurance approves it, and insurance won't approve it until I talk to a genetic counselor.  Doesn't a husband with a PhD in human genetics count?  :)  

I also have a second oncology appointment but think I will cancel because my FISH results for HER2 aren't back yet.  Guess I'll have to cancel again?  He'll probably still tell me to come anyway, but I think I'll just keep being stubborn.

As I was eating breakfast by myself at Kneaders this morning, killing time for about 20 minutes between appointments, I opened up my Instagram account and found the Gills post.  Brian was wearing pink and I saw the back of Amy with her pick ribbon and signing I love you.  It was the perfect moment. I had forgotten it was even Wednesday.  I felt so loved, supported, watched over, and strengthened.  I am so grateful for those dear friends of mine, as well as the many others who have shown their support. Love you all. 

Perspective

Good news!  Got my PET back and the cancer is localized. Wahoo!!

(Perspective is amazing, isn't it?  Never thought I would be excited about cancer news.  Guess when you have it you can be grateful it hasn't spread!  How I love perspective and hope I can keep a great one.)